Well, it has been a quite an emotional eight days since I last wrote, but you know, as my father says to me, "you have to keep living your life because, life continues on." My mom is still in the clutches of her illness, but she is perking up not being on her cancer meds/chemo anymore, so if nothing else we are seeing a little bit of her spunkiness and fire for the time that we have with her. We have our moments of scary times, like when she coughs so hard she can't breathe, but then hospice is anything but normal. What is especially hard is being almost two hours away from my wonderful parents.
I suppose you wonder why I share that, well it's because again, it ties into emotional eating and eating of any sort. When you have someone who is sick, you have visitors. Friends and family come by and when they come by they bring food. You also have family that comes to town to visit and stay the night, or two, or three if it is a holiday weekend, which of course means even MORE food. That said, I was the weight loss beast this weekend and I even impressed myself. Having been given the task of food runner, since my dad had gone to opening day for our beloved Aztecs with the guys, (a much needed break for my care giving papa). I stayed home with mama, the aunties, the cousin and the baby cousins, who needed to be fed. Forty-Five minutes later and stops at Subway, McDonalds, KFC, Machos Tacos and the grocery store with the Starbucks staring at me, I survived. I prevailed. I looked food in the eyes and said "ha! not today!". The smell was hard to not succumb to, but I did it and reminded myself that the journey is just another part of this adventure I am on and that this too shall pass. Of course when we got home, dad had stopped at the donut shop and Wienerschnitzel. Sigh...No, I did not eat that either. Weight loss beast I tell ya, weight loss beast.
Anyway, that has managed to get me through the last few days, because I tell you, while I have beaten one battle on the emotional eating, it still does come and go and there are times when I am so upset, I do want to reach for food, but then I begin to deal with my emotions, as my saying goes (feeling the emotions, not feeding the emotions) and suddenly I have no appetite, so it is just a matter of reminding myself to not ignore how I am feeling and just face the fact that bad things happen to good people and sometimes it affects the entire family. I still cry, I still don't sleep well, but that is my life right now. However, I enjoy my time with my special mama, because what I do take comfort in now is seeing what a beacon of light she has been for everyone who knows her and loves her. Dad too...I see how much they worry about him as well and that is just a testament to how wonderful my mom and dad are...and now you can see why for me, it is so hard to know that one day I will have to move on without one of them.
I have always said my parents were the universal parents for everyone who didn't have one close by or in their life...but in honor of mama who is still cheering me on...I got this. <3
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